Back to the Beginning

{I almost shut the book and toss it aside.
I’m literally on the verge of tears.}

Somehow I had gotten up early enough to read that morning.
[Everyone must have been sleeping late.]
It was the end of the Christmas season. Two out-of-town trips in addition to all the busyness that accompanies that wonderful time-of-the-year had left me feeling exhausted, overwhelmed.

And I was behind in the reading for our ladies book study. Sigh, no surprise there.

I’m sitting there trying to read as fast as I can, with some comprehension while waiting for the caffeine to kick in, surrounded by a home in disarray- kitchen not finished from the night before, laundry waiting to be folded & put away (as usual), decorations, new toys, gift wrap, suitcases and all manner of items NOT where they are supposed to be. 

And what am I reading about?

Being an awesome mother. And wife. And making my house a home.

I can’t do it.

I know these things are good and I want to do these things, but I just can’t!

That’s what I was feeling, and as emotion started to overtake reason, the book almost got tossed aside.

But it didn’t.
Instead I flipped back to the beginning of the book. After all, surely the author had a very good reason for writing the book in the order that she did.
I needed a review.

I had jumped into the middle section, the section on The Pursuit of God’s priorities.
I needed to go back to the beginning of the book. I needed to go back to  
The Pursuit of God.

I had gotten out of order. Again. The good things God has given me to do were taking precedence over HIM. 

Good things-like cleaning up this!

For some reason, this has been one of the hardest lessons for me to learn as a mommy. I KNOW I need to pursue God first. I’ve known that for as long as I can remember. But knowing something and doing what you know are two very different things.

I think I’m finally really beginning to get it experientially. I’ve finally had enough of THOSE days to realize it’s just not worth it to dive into my day without seeking God first. I’ve had enough of those days when I get up too late, or a child gets up too early or I give in to the temptation to do just a few chores before seeking God and then-wow, the day is gone. Those days are just never what they could be or, they are downright awful. 

A perfect quiet-time

I may not get the perfect quiet time. I think I’ve finally accepted that. It has taken years to get to this point, but I’m learning to say “kiddos, we are not going to start our day until Mommy has met with God. You can get your Bibles and Scripture memory out and have a quiet time too. Everything else can wait.”

And you know what happens on those days? Everything is better. Mommy is better. Mommy has the right perspective for whatever comes our way because Mommy took the time to Pursue God FIRST.

When I go back to the beginning-my relationship with my Heavenly Father-then the good things God gives me to do are not overwhelming.

What feels impossible becomes possible.

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” 

Philippians 4:13

And when I’m not able do DO all that I wanted to do, it’s okay. God had something else planned and when I’ve met with Him first I’m prepared for His changes to my plans.

“But one thing is needed, and Mary [who sat at Jesus’ feet and heard His Word, verse 39] has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.” 

Luke 10:42

The books-and yes, I may be about to get shot with a Nerf gun

The book is A Woman After God’s Own Heart by Elizabeth George and it is incredible! It will take it’s place as a reference book on my shelf when our ladies study is done.

This post on Gracelaced asks a tough & direct question about the practice of seeking God first.

Mommy Resolution #5