mary.pellie: Stop the Mind-List... And Pray.

Prayer. It’s so vital to my life, my life as a believer in Jesus the Son of God.

At times, prayer flows naturally, so it seems even to require no conscious thought.

At other times, it seems impossible. I try to pray. I fail.

I try to pray as though I’m talking to my heavenly Father, not just giving Him a list of things I would like Him to do for me, but a conversation. Being aware of Who I’m talking to and the implications of that. Being aware that I’m not the only one a part of this conversation.

And do you know what seems to be my biggest obstacle at those times?

My own thoughts.

My own thoughts crowded into my mind, often jumping around like too many balls in a pinball game, a rapid fire game of skeeball, olympic-style table tennis. Or like that whack-a-mole game where you smack down one mole only to have two or three more jump up to take its place.
[the caffeine probably doesn’t help.]

Even in those times, rare these days, when I’m able to sit for a few moments in solitude, focus is often elusive.

The responsibilities, the list of things we must keep up with as a mother seems endless. This profession of ours is made up of countless details, a never ending TO-DO list.
When my eyes open in the morning, my mind almost immediately jumps to that mental list. Josh is convinced that my mind has already been working on that list in my sleep. He can literally see the gears spinning in the mornings.

It’s THAT LIST, that mental list scrolling through my mind that never seems to stop. It’s that list that is such an obstacle to the Conversations that are so vital to maintain the most important relationship I’ll ever have.

So what can I do?

A verse has come to mind as I’ve thought through this struggle. It’s this

“Be still, and know that I am God...” Psalm 46

I used to think that verse meant to physically be still, to sit down, stop moving.

I think it means the mind too.

Be still mind. Stop.

Stop your endless battle with your to-do list. It’s not going anywhere. It won’t disappear if you let go of it for a bit. Take a time out.

Because of the nature of my current roles-wife, mommy- because of who I am, this list will never on this earth be truly finished. If I wait until I’m satisfied with at least a portion of its completion, I’ll probably always be waiting.

Nope, there is no other way except to Just Stop. Put the breaks on. Tell the mental list to go sit in the corner until I say it can come back out again. And I will tell it when I’m ready. After I’ve met with the One Who Created me. The One Who gives me the breaths I’m breathing at this and every moment. The One Who gives me the good things on that list. The One the list is ultimately for.

Prayer is an area I long to grow in. If it starts with learning how to make a list sit down and be quiet, a mind that needs to be disciplined and brought into submission by ME then come on mind list, let’s do battle.

Because it’s time for me to